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With obvious parallels between myself and cupid, or indeed between myself and a latino lover of repute, I thought I’d give you some valuable tips for a successful St Valentines Day, in tribute to the numerous attempts at such things in crud magazines.

Hence forward, Call me ‘Dr Love’.

  1. Dr Love says: “Do give chocolates”. Contrary to popular belief, giving chocs simply says “I know you like chocolate. these are chocolates”. It does not say “Let’s just be friends”. It does not say “I don’t respect you”.
  2. Dr Love says: “Don’t go out for a meal”, but don’t cook at home either. Why get fleeced by crap restaurants with special ‘taster’ menus? Similarly, Why bother to actually put on the oven to eat up a piece of something organic-from-the-highlands wrapped in something delux-from-france?  ‘Take Away’ says it all – “I want to concentrate fully on you this evening, and my local Indian take-away is an enabler to that”.
  3. Dr Love says: “Don’t buy champagne”. Unless she likes it (or you do). Buy two different things, and drink what you like. Beer and Wine, Whisky and alco-pops. You are two different people. Dr Love says this is a rule for life, not just Valentines Day.
  4. Dr Love says: “Don’t switch off the TV”. If it’s a part of your normal life, crack on. ‘The One Show’ can be romantic – you just got to set the scene right, with some flower petals and candles and what not.
  5. Dr Love says: “Don’t (try) to make sweet love.”  If you’ve adhered to 1-4, who’s not going to be full of chocolates, take away and drinks of choice?  No one wants to see what happens if you jiggle all that around.  Wait till the next morning.  Keep it light, keep it agile and go at it.

And so sayeth Dr Love.

So there you have it. Dr Love has rarely given out full pearls of wisdom, instead wanting to paraphrase it all down to ‘She needs a length’.  Obviously Dr Love hasn’t seen the light of day since 1998 or thereabouts.